Seattle has Football Fans.

I wanted to go ahead and post this while I still have access to the facebook profile page of a friend of mine. There is a slight chance they won't let me see their profile after this. But I thought it was too good to pass up.
On their status, they said:

‎"I find it hard to believe that seattle has football fans....isn't it kind of artsy and gay?"

I couldn't help but respond with this:

Yeah, football kind of is artsy and gay. =D

I seriously thought that was too good to pass up.
Oh, by the way. I don't really care all that much about football.

Matthew of the IHOP Restroom Part 2

Matthew sat down in the holy man’s office and waited for about thirty minutes. He hated waiting; always had. In the thirty minutes he was there, he came to the conclusion that he seemed to be on Earth. Nothing about the place suggested to him that he was on a distant planet. What got him was that it seemed he was in a mixture of the Roman Empire during the time of Caesar with a Religious sect involved. Finally, the holy man entered the office.
“Sorry it took me so long to get here, Matthew of the IHOP Restroom,” he said with what seemed to be the most sincere of apologies. “I had to go stand in a flowing river to purge myself before I could be in my office with you since you are, after all, the chosen one.”
“Well, okay, you are the holy man,” Matthew said. He didn’t want to get in the way of whatever religion the guy had that made him such a spectacle that the holy man had to go purge himself ritually of any sins by standing in flowing water. He frankly didn’t care. What he really wanted to know was where he was and why he was there.
“Matthew of the IHOP Restroom, please allow me to introduce myself.” He paused. Matthew waited for him to introduce himself. He did nothing. That was with the exception of after thirty seconds, he changed his tactics to begging, “Please, Matthew of the IHOP Restroom, Please, I implore you to allow me to introduce myself.”
“Okay,” Matthew said, “please, go ahead and introduce yourself.” Matthew didn’t get why he had to beg like that. But as before, he just assumed it was one of those ritual things certain holy men had to do.
“Thank you, Matthew, of the IHOP Restroom,” he started. “My name is Klapertoes McAmsterdam. I am the high priest of the land of Nude.”
“Klapertoes McAmsterdam?” Matthew questioned. “Would you mind if I just called you Klaper?”
“If you so wish, Matthew of the IHOP Restroom.” Matthew was starting to get tired of having his name associated with the IHOP restroom. But he didn’t want to interrupt Klaper anymore or else he’d never find out why he was there. “Anyway, this is the land of Nude. You may also want to know that this is the planet Stroganoff in the 18th dimension. We…”
“Whoa!” cried Matthew. “Planet Stroganoff in the 18th dimension? How can this be?”
Klaper was shocked at the fact that it shocked Matthew. “Well, as you know, Matthew of the IHOP restroom,” Matthew, who had had it with that begged him to just call him Matthew when he was talking to him and seeing as how he made Matthew beg, Klaper promised and then went on. “The second dimension is on a flat piece of paper. The third dimension is, where you’re from I believe, where things stick out and are not flat. The fourth dimension is time. The fifth through the 17th are psychological, mental, spiritual, super natural, superficial, and a combination of space and time in with those. And the 18th dimension is where all of the previous combine into one.”
“So what you’re trying to tell me,” Matthew said, “is…” Matthew didn’t honestly have an idea. He thought he did but it escaped him.
“Everything you would call science fiction and fantasy where you’re from would be reality here,” Klaper said.
“Okay then, now, would you mind telling me why I’m here?” Matthew asked.
“Because you are the chosen one!” said Klaper. “Fate has brought you here.” Matthew didn’t like the sound of that. The only reason, he thought, that fate brought him there was that he had to use the restroom at that exact moment. Fate had nothing to do with it. It was a necessity. Klaper continued. “Anyone could have come through the portal but it was you who came.”
“That’s been established already,” Matthew said, “everyone knows I came here because I’m the one who stepped through the portal. What I want to know was why there was a portal sent for me to go through?”
“Oh, well, if that’s all you wanted to know, why didn’t you just ask?” Klaper asked. “A portal was sent to get you because there is a battle of epic proportions being fought and you need to lead it.”
“Shouldn’t you have gotten someone already?”
“We did,” Klaper said. “We celebrated his coming, showed him around, sent him out in battle and he died.”
Matthew felt uneasy. He wanted an explanation as to why he was now chosen and the term fate wasn’t good enough for him. But in reality, he didn’t even believe he was the one who was supposed to be there. Fate could have brought anyone there. If they needed someone who could prepare a chocolate dipped cone, he was there man. If they needed to know an alternative version to “Werewolves Of London,” he was there man. They want someone to fight a war, he needed something. And no Oreo Mint Blizzard was going to help them fight the war. “How are we supposed to fight?” Matthew asked.
“Oh, that I can’t tell you,” Klaper said, “It’s classified.” Matthew dropped his jaw. “Look, Matthew of the IHOP Rest…oh, yeah, sorry, look Matthew, just because you’re the Chosen One doesn’t mean we can tell you all of our secrets. You’re an outsider.” Matthew’s look of despair, confusion and whatever that look is that reminds drivers of deer with headlights in their eyes convinced Klaper that he couldn’t just conceal it. “Okay fine,” he said, “I’ll explain it all to you when we go to the Path of Desire and the Path of Necessity.

Fun Filled Magical Weekend

You know, I don't really just comment about my days and or weekends anymore. And since I don't really feel like posting a long entry about the weekend, I'll sum it up into a few highlights of what when on.
Starting with Thursday night (because that's when the fun really got started) I got to witness an Omega Directive rehearsal since I'm teching the show this next coming weekend. Then I got to be involved with a rehearsal that one might say was quite an R I Spectacular rehearsal. (What, it's my blog, I can pun if I want to).
I am starting to find myself feeling really comfortable breaking into song and dance duirng improv games. I don't know if it's natural or not. But it feels right sometimes.
Friday morning, I woke up early to go out to Studio 30 in Olathe, KS to see the IMAX showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I. In case you haven't guessed, this is why it was a "Fun Filled Magical Weekend." I saw it with my mom and then afterwords...well, for a good portion of the day infact, we discussed the movie and book compairison on an intilectual level. This is something that feels weird but refreshing to do to just discuss a movie in this way.
Friday night, I went to see the musical FAME at Sumnor Acadamy because one of my friends from the Roving Imp teaches there and directed the show.
Saturday night, I was in the show and I was most recognized for singing about using a plunger. But I also died in a snow ball fight with an audiance member. And I asked questions inside a Chinese restaurant. ONE and Deep Space Emily were good shows as well. I got to tech Deep Space Emily.
Sunday afternoon, my family and I went to Metcalf South (wish it were a) Mall to see A Star Trek Christmas or Beam Me Up Santa. As you can probably tell, this was a holidy comedy special. The show was followed with an operetta called Hamletta...basically, if the 3 Little Pigs were an opera.
After this show, I headed out to the Roving Imp for a movie watching. Nobody knew what we were going to watch. We took 2 movies and voted to eliminate one and vote for 2. The movies I took to be voted on were The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy (which 1) won and 2) was also my vote for this coming Friday night's Biblioclast...I don't know if it'll be picked but it's the one I voted for). The other movie I had was Stranger Than Fiction.
Anyway, that was my fun filled magical weekend summed up into a nice short blog entry.

Survey 004

It's another survey thing.







1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
No, I have never been searched by the cops for anything except for when I was in Texas because I kept making metal detectors (and various other alarms) go off.







2. Do you close your eyes on a roller coaster?
Yes. There is no telling what could go flying into your eyes at 3.6Gs.







3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
I haven't gone sledding on purpose in a long time. However, we had so much snow last winter that my car went sledding a few uncomfortable times.







4. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
Nobody else could keep up with my schedule. It would be nice to have someone present sometime...you know...with a couple of Xs in their cromosomes.






5. Do you believe in ghosts?
I believe in human spirits. Is that the same thing? I would think it would be close since it's the spirit that leaves the body at death and becomes a ghost if there are ghost.






6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Not at all. I spent 4 years at KU for Creative Writing just to say I went to college. Oh, and yes, I do.






7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
How am I to know? I trusted the system when I was in 6th grade for some reason.







8. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
Not on my own. If I were on my own, I wouldn't care because if I were on my own, I'd be my own government. It would be the United States of David-Prov. Cool! I'm going to spend the weekend in the state of Spleen.




9. Do you know how to play poker?
Yes. I know that inorder to win, it has to not matter for me to win. If it matters, I loose everything. If it doesn't matter, I'm getting like 3 A's and a King.





10. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Not willingly, no. I tried to avoid anything over 24 hours. I've gotten to 23.7 hours before, but not 24.






11. What's your favorite commercial?
It's one I saw today. It was for the Nissan Leaf. This polar bear walked up to the driver of the Nissan Leaf (eco friendly car) and gave the guy a big (not bear-hug pun) hug. It was like the were aiming that commercial right at me. =)



12. Who was your first kiss?
I've got 3 answers for that. I don't want to say who on a public blog. But let's just say I've got 3 answers. My very first kiss was an eskimo kiss I got by accident due to the rules of a game we were playing. Then there was a regular kiss...well, regular except for the fact that I was in 2nd or 3rd grade at the time and didn't really get it...but she was in 2nd/3rd grade too so it wasn't anything naughty. Then, there was my first on-stage kiss. There, that's 3 answers. Like I said, I don't want to say who they are in blog form.






13. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?
No. And I don't hear a tree fall either.





14. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Yes, the secrets in my head.







15. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
No...can't. I've got a bad ankle.








16. How often do you remember your dreams?
Most of the time, actually.



17. What's the one thing on your mind?
What am I doing up doing this survey. It's almost 5:30 in the morning.







18. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Not always. I only wear my seat belt when I'm in the car.







19. What talent do you wish you had?
The ability to hypnotizing people would be pretty cool.





20. Do you like Sushi?
No. I don't even get the appeal. To me, it sounds like raw sea food.







21. What do you wear to bed?
Cloths...believe it or not.







22. If you could do one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Making people laugh.







23. Do you know anyone in jail?
It's possable.







24. What food do you find disgusting?
Beef steak...Oh my gosh! My grandma brought home a steak she got from Applebee's for Veterans day and the smell just made me want to...well, not puke...but leave the room.
BEEF - It's what's wrong with America.





25. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Not lately, no. And not usually my friends. I usually take down the one's who do make fun of my friends behind their backs...well, I tried that in Middle school anyway. I was in detention a lot in middle school.

Matthew Of The IHOP Restroom Part 1

Back between Christmas of 2007 and starting back to classes in the Spring of 2008, I started to write this story called Matthew of the IHOP Restroom. It took me until May to finish this 10 part story. I posted it on Facebook and MySpace. But I pulled it from Facebook and I rarely use MySpace anymore. So I have decided to start posting the 10 parts here on blogspot...and when I finish that, the parts of the sequel: Dan of the Grocer's Freezer Aisle (formerly "A Bank On Metcalf"). There isn't going to be much order in when I post these. I just will.

Matthew of the IHOP Restroom Part 1

Warren Zevon once said, “They say love conquers all, you can’t start it like a car, you can’t stop it with a gun.” He also said, “I went home with a waitress the way I always do. But how was I to know that she was with the Russians too?” What does this have to do with this story? Absolutely nothing; except of course for the fact that Warren Zevon was the greatest influence of our hero, Matthew Albertson. He grew up in a town in Kansas just outside the edge of the Kansas City suburbs.
Matthew, who didn’t like his name shortened to Matt because, as he would say, he wasn’t thrown out on the floor to be walked on, was currently in college, worked two jobs during the summer, one at the local Dairy Queen and the other at a Price Chopper store. When he wasn’t in school or working; he enjoyed writing songs using his guitar or hanging with his friends. He was also madly in love, well, he would say madly, with Katie Waller who he had an English class with. She of course would never know this until much later and at the time, Matthew, knowing he had nothing much to offer since he did just work at Dairy Queen and Price Chopper and wrote music, chose to leave it that way.
Matthew’s story starts out like any other story where a guy decides to hang out with his buddies and get breakfast at the local IHOP restaurant at 3am when his buddies were drunk and he was stuck driving. This is, however, the first time that I personally have ever read of a story where buddies decided to hang out at IHOP and so maybe it’s not like any other story at all. And little did Matthew know that going to this particular IHOP on this particular date of March the third would wind up changing his life forever.
But this story doesn’t have to do with what Matthew ordered to eat, or that one of his buddies, Jim, had to argue with the waitress because he wanted Pepsi and no, a Coke was not the same thing as a Pepsi nor is it about his other friend, Dan who tried hitting on the waitress, the hostess working that night and a vacuum cleaner they had out trying to clean the floors since he was, after all, the drunkest of them all. This is about what happened when Matthew decided to use the restroom after giving his order. Matthew opened the door to the restroom and suddenly found himself entering a bright light room.
“Hello?” he called out. He didn’t get an answer. He walked in, couldn’t find anything, so he went back to the door to find that it wasn’t there. “Hello?!” he called out again, this time more urgent. “Is anybody there?!” He began to move, float rather as he felt himself moving faster and faster. He was afraid he was going to hit the wall on the other side. But before he could hit any wall, the bright white light came whizzing around him in more colors. First, the light changed to pink, followed by red and the rest of the spectrum colors when Matthew realized he was no longer in an IHOP restroom but in some kind of rotating vortex or a wormhole of some kind.
This is impossible, he thought. He started to scream for help and then realized that it wasn’t getting him anywhere. He unfortunately wasn’t very good with science. If he had been, he could have simply stated that a wormhole had formed in the IHOP restroom that was large enough for him to pass through. But then again, if he were a scientist, he’d scratch that idea off and say that it was impossible because there would need to be two black holes placed in the right location and it’s kind of hard to harness one black hole.
In fact, the only things that Matthew would be able to say would be how to prepare a Peanut Buster Parfait, what’s the right kind of meat to get for a party, the lyrics to every Warren Zevon song including ones that were never released, anything involving guitar or song writing and anything from English; which Matthew probably wouldn’t even attend that class if it weren’t for a chance to see Katie Waller every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Before Matthew ever even conceived that it was really a portal to another dimension that only specially trained holy men in that dimension could open, he wound up in that dimension surrounded by many men who he could hear cheering as he entered in a matter that seemed to sort of be spitted out onto the floor.
“The chosen one has arrived on our soil!” cried one of the holy men. “Praise Sampsonite!”
Matthew shot up and said to the holy man, “wait a minute, do you mean me?”
“Yes!” exclaimed the holy man. “We have brought you here because you are the chosen one. If you weren’t, it would have been someone else who was picked. You are the chosen one. Please, say your name and where you just came from.”
This had to be a dream, Matthew thought. I thought I wasn’t the one who had anything to drink. But, deciding it would be safer to play along, he said, “I’m Matthew Albertson and I just came from the IHOP restroom.”
Suddenly, every man, woman and child stood up and bowed to him after saying in unison “ALL HAIL MATTHEW…OF THE IHOP RESTROOM!” This was too bizarre to Matthew. He tried to insist to them that it wasn’t really the IHOP restroom he was from but rather the city but before he could think to tell them that, he started thinking about the fact that they were hailing…HIM.
Matthew didn’t see himself as any kind of leader or warrior or anything like that. He didn’t have the slightest idea what they wanted him for but it was clear to him that it was for one of those purposes. Before he could listen to the crowd chanting his name and the fact that he was from the IHOP restroom any longer, he asked the holy man to take him aside and explain to him what exactly was going on in private.
“It’s none of my business what goes on in private,” said the holy man. “If I worry too much about what goes on in private, I’d be considered a snoop.”
“NO!” Matthew argued. “I mean could we please step aside in private and you tell me what’s going on without all these on lookers watching my every move.”
“Oh, okay,” he said. He pointed to his office for Matthew to go into. Then he announced to the crowd, “Matthew, of the IHOP Restroom, has just asked to speak in private with me!”
Matthew would normally be weirded out with the idea that the holy man had to announce the fact that he was going to talk with the holy man privately. But that wasn’t what got to him. What got to Matthew was the fact that not just did the holy man say it with such enthusiasm, like a child at Christmas who just got a personal visit from someone in a Santa suit, but that the audience cheered and some even reacted like they were jealous.

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead Part I

I'm now trying to, once again, load the album overview video for Warren Zevon's Greatest Hits 2CD set album I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD. I think I'll call this "third time's a charm." I hope the second part won't be this hard to load.