Matthew of the IHOP Restroom Part IX

It's about time I posted part 9, I thought!

“You do realize that Matthew of the IHOP Restroom isn’t going to come after me, don’t you?” Mary said. “Kidnapping me will just be a waste of your time.”
“But why would he not come after you?” One of the Shipgoes asked while swaying back and forth to the car’s motion. “As you said, we kidnapped you. Doesn’t he want you back?”
“Are you kidding?” Mary scoffed. “He loathes me with every inch of his being.” She paused for a second. “Or something along those lines. Anyway, I love him too so it’s completely fine.”
The Shipgoe was completely confused. “Wait, what now? I don’t get it. It’s completely mutual with him hating you but you loving him?”
“Love,” Mary said, “eww…who said anything about love? I said he loathes me and I loath him. They’re completely different words. In fact, they are 100% anagrams of each other. I should know what I said.”
“Yes, you probably should know what you said,” the Shipgoe said, “and it was definitely not any thing resembling a word for hate.”
“Look,” Mary said, “we have a mutual hate towards one another because he owns me and he’s wanted to get rid of me since we met. I’m owned by him and I’ve wanted to get away from him since we met. It’s as simple as that. He probably saw you kidnapping me as finally being rid of me. Of course it kind of leaves me stuck here in the third dimension though.”
Mary was distraught by the fact that she was actually brought down with a Freudian slip. She would be even more so if she had an idea who Freud was but since the psychological always just sort of came together in the 18th dimension, names of doctors and their theories never really came together. But she knew that she actually did say love instead of loath and she couldn’t stand the idea that it could possibly be true. And maybe she really wanted Matthew to come save her before getting the Strawberry Syrup to the Mass Music Store…which is where her uncle’s studies had said to take it. But Matthew would probably not know what to do with the syrup once he got there.
The Shipgoes continued to drive out of control. At one point, they passed a police officer who had an early morning speed trap out. When the officer turned his lights and sirens on, the Shipgoes remembered they had their ability to sort of teleport out of there so the put the car on cruise control, transported out of there and appeared several miles away already in the Lawrence city limits. The car itself wound up crashing into a woodsy area off of K-10 where they were “driving”. The police officer was stumped and had to think about what to do.
Meanwhile, back with Matthew and his friends in his car, they were behind the Shipgoes several miles. Since the Shipgoes were driving manically, they stayed ahead several miles and growing. Jim was finally starting to get sober and asked Matthew to tell him once again where they were going.
“We’re going to the Quick Trip in Lawrence. My friend Mary Ann is there.
“She’s the one you came out of the restroom with, right?”
“Yes, and she’s in trouble.”
“Oh my gosh, Matthew!” Jim exclaimed. “Did you get her pregnant?!?!”
“No. I told you what happened about the 18th dimension and everything.”
“Oh that.” Jim said. “Oh I didn’t believe that.”
“Wait a minute,” Dan said poking his head up from the backseat, “you’re talking about Mary Ann, the hot girl we saw you come out of the IHOP restroom with?”
“Yes, because we came back from the 18th dimension together. She’s in trouble and we have to save her. And do me a favor,” Matthew said, “don’t go calling her hot, okay. There is so much about her that you don’t understand and the fact that she’s hot has something to do as to why she and I are both in this trouble.”
Then Dan said, “oh my gosh she is pregnant and you impregnated her.”
“NO!” Matthew said.
“Oh okay,” Dan said. “But at some point, you’re going to have to admit you kind of like her because we know you do.”
“You know what,” Matthew began, “I’m not talking to you anymore.” With that, Matthew continued to drive West to Lawrence. It was shortly after arriving in Douglas County that they saw the car that the Shipgoes had taken smashed and being taken away by tow truck. Matthew knew no one was in the car. If there was a Shipgoe in the car, a lab coated scientist would have been there monitoring the body. Finally, after the slight backup caused by the accident (which fortunately wasn’t much since it was about 4am) and all the road construction along the highway, Matthew, Jim and Dan had made it to the Quick Trip in Lawrence.

Fiction...Parody to Alice Cooper's "Poison"

Original song with lyrics:


Fiction, the song parody I wrote:
Your tale‘s divine
It does, entice
One page, I’m hooked
I’ll read, your book...

I wanna meet you but you’re just too fake (too fake)
I wanna see you but there are no pictures to see
I wanna touch you for goodness sakes (-ness sakes)
I wanna love you but your author says that you’re fiction
You’re a figment of someone’s imagination
You’re Fiction
Just one more complication

My mind, can see
Your hot beauty
Just leave, your page!
Your literary cage....

I read your description and it’s driving me nuts (me nuts)
I joined Deviant Art just to glimpse at your fan-made pics
Don't mean to stalk you but your book never shuts (won’t shut)
I should stop fantasizing about someone who is totally fiction
Your imagery keeps me up all night
You’re Fiction
Am I messed up or am I alright?
Fiction...

One chapter, One book
I’ll buy your nook...

I hope the movie, it comes out real soon (real soon)
If for nothing else to help put a face with your face
I’ll need a cold shower if it’s a kiddie cartoon (cartoon)
You never know when you deal with someone who’s fiction
I wanna put down your book and read your lips
You’re Fiction
Fantasies of you are like an acid trip
Fiction (Fict-ion....)

I wanna love you but you’re paper and ink (and ink)
I can’t wait to meet you in my own fan-made story.
I hope your author doesn’t raise a stink (a stink)
You can always have a happy ending when you work with fiction
Yeah....
Barns & Nobles has got my bill
Fiction
Your sequel will be quite a thrill
Glad to hear you got a movie deal
Fiction
Fantasies of you, they haunt me still
Fiction

I'm coming up with the concept for a new song parody.
Want a hint?
Watch this video/hear this song...
will my parody idea ever see the light of day? I don't know. But the concept is coming to terms in my head using this song...

Ask David Some Weird Crap

This video was inspired by Ask That Guy With The Glasses. A couple of years ago, he had a contest to get viewers to answer stupid questions that he would usually answer. I of course didn't have a webcam at the time. But now I do!


Hey, submit your own questions for episode 2!

Google Street

I enjoy google street view. There is just one problem. I personally have a lot of road rage. And even though it seems at time as though I'm about to get ahead of the car in front of me, it never happens. This is because they are going the same speed if not faster in real time as the van that went around taking the pictures. Then, when I finally gain on them, it's a completely different hour...maybe even different day.
About a year ago, somebody posted this:

This reminded me a little bit of google street view because I would more than likely be listening to Warren Zevon as I go riding.

Improv in Bonner Springs...and beyond..?

First off, I have a personal announcement: I will be performing in the 2nd season of The Next Big Improv Show.

Last I heared from John, there were 2 spots left.

Second, I can finally note for sure that we are (for the summer anyway) leaving our Lawrence location where we have been performing improv and Thursday nights and we are moving to The Great Mall of the Great Planes in Olathe, KS.

Only, instead of performing on Thursday nights, we'll be performing out there on Wednesday evenings. As it says on the Roving Imp page about our first show out there: "The Roving Imps take the show on the road to the Great Mall of the Great Plains for the first of a series of shows highlighting games, fun scenes, and hilarious longer made up plays. Join us from 6:30-8:30pm for this FREE show!"

Finally, as much as I would love to do my own version of "We Are The World" for this, I just don't have the rescourses to do it on my own. Even if others joined me, I'd still need your help! But it's more important to follow this:

As stated from it's page on the Roving Imp website:
Kansas has a reputation... and it's not a good one. Whether it's the topic of evolution or the arts, we've gotten a lot of bad press. It's our firm belief that lack of artistic opportunity in the state of Kansas will lead to another generation of boring, selfish, television watchers. Kansas needs to make opportunities to learn a creative skill - and that's where the Kansas Improvisation Foundation comes in.

The KIF will create opportunities for the people of Kansas to be exposed to the many varieties of improvisational acting. KIF will use its funds to give scholarships to take improv classes, to bring in outstanding teachers from other cities, and to provide classes and performances to areas with no other access to this kind of art form.

The KIF is just getting started, and needs funding to make its launch official - that means it needs 501(c)3 status to be able to apply for grants and other help.

Don't let the forces of evil win. Help spread the fun and skill of improv all over the state of Kansas!

The amount that needs to be raised is $520. That is $20 to file in the state as a non-profit. Then $400 need to be rasied to file with the IRS. Then, we need the final $100 for legal fees and fund-raising charges to make it happen.

There are things you get if you go to this website:

For a donation of $1:
A heartfelt thank you on the KIF web site (included at all levels of giving!).

For a donation of $10:
Two tickets to an improv show at the Roving Imp Theater (supporting partner of the KIF).

For a donation of $20:
Two tickets to a show, plus two coffees of any size at the Roving Imp Coffee Shop.

For a donation of $40:
Four tickets to a show, plus four coffees.

For a donation of $60:
One month of free improv classes at the Roving Imp Training Center AND a month of free improv shows.

For a donation of $100:
Two months of free improv classes, two months of free improv shows, and opportunity to take part in up to four improv shows as an actor, tech, or volunteer.

For a donation of $200:
We send to you a one-of-a-kind video of an improv scene or game personalized to include details of your life, or a favorite hobby, AND a month of free improv shows at the Roving Imp.

For a donation of $300:
A one-hour private comedy show for you and up to 60 of your friends at a mutually agreed-upon location AND a month of free improv shows at the Roving Imp. This perk has a limited geographical range. Contact us... we'll talk about it!

That last one is so great, I don't really have a decent new link to provide for it.
So yeah, if you even remotely come across my blog here, please check it out!

Lawrence shows...

There is a big change happening involving the Thursday night Lawrence shows. First of all, we're movie to a new location and maybe even time. Unfortunately, I can't say anything here just yet. But don't worry, there will be something to say when it happens!