Post Mortem

This blog entry is about 3 months in the making.  I'm not entirely sure why it has taken so long to write it out.  Maybe because before now it was still too fresh.  The first few weeks, I wasn't really ready to accept that it all really happened.  It's now early to mid October and by the first week and a half after wards, it felt like months had gone by.  By the 15th of July, it had felt like mid to late October.  (Never much felt like Halloween when it was 107 degrees out...but I was feeling like it should have been about Halloween time).  But between bills being paid and changes to everything from personal life to the situation with improv at the Roving Imp (don't worry, I'll discuss that in a later blog), I was torn between what I had time for and what I was psychologically ready for.  But in all that time, I really wanted to post this because just the fact that I hadn't post this yet made me feel imprisioned by my own thoughts and everything...like as soon as I said something, I could be free to post anything else I wanted to after this...I just had to post this first.  At the same time, I was never really ready to admit that everything that took place took place.  It did, though.  And now, I think I'm ready to actually type about it.
To begin with, my grandpa got Esophageal Cancer back in November 1997.  He faught it, but passed away April 21, 1999.  Whether or not it spread to any other part of his system, he was just too old, he had the bad luck of  having Robert Courtney as a pharmisist, or all of the above, we aren't sure.
The day that my grandpa was baried, my mom had to see a specialist and she found out that she had Cervical Cancer.  She went through treatment and got better and 5 years later (about 2004) it was declaired in remission.
October 2003, my uncle found out that he had a specific kind of Spinal Cancer.  He fought it and was back aand forth to KU Med a lot.  Sometimes, he'd seem to get better and  sometimes he'd seem to get worse.  Finally, shortly after the 4th of July 2007, he had to be rushed to the hospital and they decided his body was shutting down and he eventually passed away on July 16, 2007.  By this time, my family in the house we live in was down to 3 of the original 5 members...my grandma (who had lost her husband 8 years prior and and now in 2007, her son...also, she has Dementia), my mom (who lost her dad and her brother), and me (read the last 2 paragraphs to get my family corilation).  Oh, and Rufus, our dog, who was born in May 1997.
Early April this year (2012) my mom took a fall.  I didn't even know about it because I was sleeping when it happened.  I didn't noticed much was happening except for the fact that she seemed to be cutting WAY back on her out-going...something that she did a lot.  I figured she just wasn't feeling good after the fall.  Spring forward to extremely early May.  My mom had cut back so much on going that the going she was doing to get my grandma to the store was being taken over by me.  My mom would wake up in the morning and would ware-down as the day progressed...like a cell phone's battery would do.  I FINALLY convinced her to go see a doctor.  I took her to the Shawnee Mission Urgant Care doctor's office.  She was diagnosed with Shingles.  She was given some meds and the Shingles themselves went away.  I was SO RELIEVED that it wasn't her cancer coming back.  Before this, this was my biggest fear.  But since it was Shingles, it wasn't cancer.
2 Mondays later, my mom fell in the bathroom.  It took my grandma and I about 2 hours to get her up off of the floor.  She was weak, and every single thing we tried either hurt her or made her uncomfortable.  Finally, she was up and moving and got me to take her back out to the Urgent Care.  Her reason was for a cough.  She had a festering infection on her leg that was leaking but she refused to let any doctors see it.  The doctors didn't do anything for her cough really.  They just gave her some meds since she didn't have health insurence.  With health insurence, they would have gone ahead and drawn blood and done an X-Ray.  She came home and nursed the cough but nothing happened.
Monday, June the 4th, she fell again...this time, in her bedroom.  I had just finished Toastmasters and was about to start improv rehearsal when I got the call that I had  to come home and help my mom.  This was around 6:45.  I got home around 7:10 but could only try and get my mom up off the floor.  Finally, around 8:05pm, my grandma, against my mom's wishes, called 9-1-1.  My mom said no to an ambulance so they sent a fire truck out.  It took 4 firemen to get my mom up onto a chair.
By the way, since early May, my mom wasn't eating much.  She'd eat some but get really full after only a few bites.  By June 21st, the fact that my mom wasn't eating and she wasn't releasing anything #2 style concerned us and a cousin from California who insisted that we get my mom to the hospital.  We had to bargin with my mom to get her to go.  We finally got her to the ER on June 22nd.  Most of the rest of this blog will be in the form of Facebook status update quotes.

I'm at KU Med. Got my mom to the ER...I hope this time, a doctor can give her something that will work. (June 22 at 4:42pm)
 

My mom was admitted to a room shortly after 12:30am. She had an X-ray of her stomach and leg (right one has a bad infection and has been leaking for over a month). She had a blood transfusion and several samples taken of her own blood. They will be keeping her at least over the weekend. We know that the leg has the infection. We don't know if there is anything else or why she has absolutely no appetite.
My grandma and I are just hoping that it isn't cancer. (June 23 at 2:05am)
 

My mom has a massive infection in her leg and near her waist. I don't know if that is related to anything else or not. Primary concern is that she is malnourished due to the fact that she can't eat (she is backed up and we don't know why...just with what). (June 23 at 2:20pm)
 

For those following the story, my mom is doing a little better...gradually. she's responding to treatment. Keep in mind through, there is still a lot to hurtle through. She was very(3x) sick. She still has the primary infection as well as some tightness in her stomach and she has some fluids in her lungs. If her health was at 5% when we brought her in, she would now be at 9%-11% health.
Bottom line, some improvement, but not out of the woods yet. They did do a chest x-ray and decided the cardio-echo could wait. (June 24 at 3:40pm)
 

Because of some potassium they gave my mom, her kidneys started to fail...

My mom is getting moved today to a private room. I think they wanted to give her a private room Friday night/Saturday morning when they admitted her but a private room wasn't available. So this isn't good or bad news.
I haven't heard on the kidney scan they did yesterday. They do say that she has a mass on her abdomen...which can be anything. (June 26 at 1:17pm)
 

By the way, a mass was found in my mom's stomach.

My mom isn't doing so well today. She will be going down for a biopsy for the masses in her stomach later and, for that reason, not eating...as in, she's not allowed. (June 27 at 2:17pm)
 

They say my mom is moving around a bit better today. But they took a biopsy of the mass in her stomach and found that it was a tumor.
Now, best case scenario, it is B9 (sp). In this case, they simply remove the tumor.
Worst case scenario, it is cancer. In this case, they will discuss radiation and chemo.
Either way, we are playing the waiting game right now. (June 28 at 1:23pm)
 

Ok, my grandma and I have finally visited with 2 of my mom's doctors...the primary doctor who is looking at her biopsy said that it would be longer than the last 24 hours to know the results. But due to clues in her lungs and liver, there is a high chance for cancer. They just aren't 100% sure yet.
The second doctor has been working with my mom's kidneys. The kidneys aren't good and it looks like they have gotten worse since coming in. There is a high possibility she will need dialysis in the next 24-48 hours. (June 28 at 4:16pm)
 

The good news is that my mom never had an infection in her leg for which my grandma and I brought her in for.
The bad news #1: Her kidney started to fail while at the hospital. She will get started on kidney dialysis today...but it's acute so it sounds like the dialysis will be temporary.
The bad news #2: while not 100% sure, the doctors are confident that the tumor biopsy will come back positive for cancer...and it is very advanced. (June 29 at 12:10pm)
 

 My mom actually did have an infection.  I'm not sure why I said she didn't.  What it was was that they  stopped treatment for it because it was so secondary.  Anyway, that evening, my mom had her first Kidney Dalisis and I stayed with her for most of her treatment.

The doctor saw my mom today with the report on the biopsy.
She has cancer.  She'll talk with an Oncologist about treatment next week...I think Monday. (June 30 at 1:20pm)
 

Over the weekend, there was some bad communication and my mom was put on MPO or NPO for no reason.  Finally, it was decided that my mom had a time frame to live in.  It was different depending upon who you talked to.

My mom's birthday is the 28th of September. The most recent time frame I have heard suggest that my mom will be lucky to make it to then.
However, this report hasn't come directly from an Oncologist. So, I don't know for sure. It's just the time frame I'm dealing with in my head right now. (July 3 at 3:22am)
 

July 3rd in the evening, they told my mom specifically that...well...

The doctors told my mom that she was too far gone/the cancer was too advanced for them to even bother trying to treat. (July 3 at 7:09pm)
 

While my grandma was out of the room, my mom requested that I 1)sale her car 2) have her body donated to science and make sure her body wasn't burried and 3) Sale her books.
The previous day when I stated that my mom would  be lucky to make it to her birthday...well, by the 4th, that turned out to be if a miricle happened.

‎2-3 months left for my mom was a guess based upon the cancer. I like that guess now. It's a lot better than the few weeks she has left due to the kidney failure that is not even really related to the cancer.

Now they are talking about palative care. (July 4 at 1:52pm)
 

One of the hardest things for me up to that point was when they were talking about Code Blue or Do Not Resusatate...and they asked me which one I thought would be best.  I thought Do Not Resusatate because Code Blue might wind up making her worse in the long run.  Unfortunately, because of my stupidity, I needed them to explain the difference so that saying that I reccommended DNR wasn't an attempt to get my mom to hurry up and die but to make sure her transition from life to death was more peaceful.  July 5th, my mom got moved to the Kansas City Hospice House and Palative Care.

My mom is getting moved today to a Kansas City Hospice & Palliative Care facility at 12000 Wornall Rd. in KCMO. We don't know when she will head over there but it'll be sometime today. Our reason for choosing this one is that, with I-435, it's the most accessible from Shawnee. (July 5 at 1:56pm)
 

This was a really great place...one in which not just the patients were treated with care, but the family as well.  During that time, my mom was visted by the associate pastor at our former church, the pastor at our current church, John Robison from the Imp who brought a plant by and then discussed with me business that I should at least have in mind and some friends of ours from our previous church who helped get the car title information taken care of so that my mom's car could be sold.  Most of the time that my mom had left, she was hardly awake and her mind was starting to go.  Her last Saturday, she didn't recognize me by name.  That was hard.  But I kept a promise to her that Sunday night that I would spend the night there.

Based upon a promise I made my mom a couple of days ago, I'm spending the night in her Hospice room.

Unfortunately, as much as I told her that I was going to do this, she doesn't know I'm here. She's been asleep since before I got here. She sleeps all the time now practically.
I watched my uncle take his last breath. I keep having this fear that every breath my mom takes will be her last. Maybe because I know one will. I don't expect to sleep much tonight. (July 9 at 12:38am)
 

Because my mom requested to have her body donated, most of her last week I was filling out apps for that purpose.

My mom requested to have her body donated to science when she died. Unfortunately, just like declaring "Bankruptcy!" simply declaring it doesn't do a dang thing. I'm filling out an applications for donation and I'm bothered that there are discrepancies like they will reject bodies that are overly obese. Really? There is absolutely nothing you can learn from an obese body? Good grief! Stop being weird and be scientific. You're already working on dead bodies...(July 9 at 5:48pm)
 

Because I actually kind of liked sleeping over Sunday night into Monday morning AND to be able to spend as much time with my mom as possible, I stayed over again Monday night into Tuesday night.  Early Tuesday morning, and at this time, the pastor from our new church was there, the nurse came in and checked my mom's vitals:

My mom is on the hours timeframe. She'll be lucky to make it to tomorrow. (July 10 at 9:46am)
 

Long story short, she didn't.  My grandma was at home so I called her and Johnny Lewis, the pastor form the new church, called a couple that lived near by to give my grandma a ride out there.  She got there which gave me some time to use the restroom so that my mom wouldn't be alone while I was going.  Then when I came out, my grandma left the room to go herself. While my grandma was going, I sat with my mom and had my last conversation with her.  Beyond how much I love her, I didn't say much more than how much her breathing scared me because I'm never sure which one will be the last so I try to get everything said as quickly as possible.  It was just myself in the room with my mom and I was holding her hand talking with her as she was taking the deep labored breathings that the time between each breath would get longer.

My mom passed away at around 11am this morning. She's getting to hang with her dad and brother now. (July 10 at 11:37am)
 

If you're wanting to know:
I was never able to get my mom's body donated to science as she requested.  For the first week or so, this made me feel like a failer.  They just wouldn't take a body that was obesed.  To my mom's wishes, I did have her cremated...something that my grandma, I assume, will always consider me barberic for doing so...and insist that she wants to be burried.  I got my mom's books sold to 1/2 books as well as many of her CDs and DVDs to there and Vintage Stock.  I had to see a lawyer to make sure bills were taken care of and that I had a legal right to sell my mom's car.  It was first going to John's sister Julie...but it took me too long and the day I was ready to sell it, she had already bought another car.  Then I was going to do CarMax but there was a problem...namely that I wasn't my mom.  I finally sold it to Chris's sister Kimberly.
That following Saturday, we had an improv show at the Roving Imp as usual but this one was dedicated to my mom.  Then the next day, July 15th, was my mom's funeral service.  Unlike me, who wasn't psychologically ready at the time to say anything in a blog update, my friend Chris posted a blog entry about my mom's funeral titled after one of the songs my mom requested...Music Of The Night performed by Michael Crawford from her all time favorite broadway musical Phantom Of The Opera.  And he did it better than I could have...

Anyway, I promise that my next blog entry will be happy go lucky or something.  I may post about my mom again in the future.  I just really wanted to get this down in blog form.  Sorry for the sheere length.