Status updates

Since I haven't posted in a while...and I don't want to be up all night typing a bunch of stuff, I want to post a few status updates I've had recently...

Friends who know something about quarters: Do you know what they are doing now? I got a quarter back in change that is Gettysburg on the back. Are they now doing sites of famous addresses...memorials, or is that a national park?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck of a woodchuck would get stoned?

I need to get some new *nice* cloths. I haven't worn slacks since I ripped the butt seam on stage back in April playing a chicken.

I'm unsure as to why stores sale striped buttoned shirts with the stripes going side to side as opposed to up and down. I'm perfectly capable of looking fat on my own without the help of cloths, thank you very much.

And by cloths, I meant clothes.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? What do you mean no? You mean to tell me that since it is a hot summer night, you've chickened out of Meat Loaf? Come on! It's not even as hot as it has been.

It's been really hot in KC lately...

So what do I look like? A discruntled ex-employee of Wal*Mart hellbent on taking over the world? Because that's just silly.

You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find...
That it still doesn't always work out that way.

Does anyone remember that new horescope sign they found in the sky 4 or 5 months ago that really pissed off the people who give a huge damn about what there sign is. I can't remember the name and it never gets listed in the paper with the rest of the horescopes.

I found out from Allen who had to Google it that it was "Ophiuchus". Great, I want to use this in a new song parody...but how am I going to rhyme it when I'm not sure how to spell it?

Lord Voldemort is your daddy.

"I will protest weddings until I can marry the woman I love," says stalker to random gay dude in New York.

I enjoy it when my phone tells me that there is a thunderstorm. It provides a scene that reminds me of the escape through flight in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1.

To raise awareness of humans, please change your profile picture to a picture of yourself. My hope is to raise awareness of human life on this Earth...and to figure out what you look like.

There are a lot of comments like this involving the changing of profile pics...my current one is me in my 3-D glasses seeing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.

I asked this on another status that was related to the situation: Where do transsexuals go to the bathroom? They don't have a stick person representing them.

I think I may have used the wrong word here because the comments I got seemed to refer to crossdressers...anyway.

Royals beat the Indians 12 to nothing...
Seriously!

The Royals are not having a good year. But every now and then, they do have a good night...and once in a blue moon...a VERY good night.

Can one of my friends who still play farmville send me a cow that I can throw at one of my friends who still play Mafia Wars?

I feel old. Not satisfied with the spelling of a word and not getting any leads from autocorrect, I got out a dictionary to look it up. Then, with the correct spelling, it turned out the word didn't even fit grammatically...that, and I'm 28.

One of my favorite authors was born today in the year 1965. Yes, it is J. K. Rowlings...who shares a birthday, ironically, with Harry Potter.

Turns out I used Ironically wrong. I have a record 25 comments (a record for me) on this status update about it...when I meant it as a joke like I didn't get the connection.

One shouldn't spend all their time in the past. Looking back too much will put a crick in the neck.

I think I may have finally said something that has meaning to some people!

I think we should just not bother paying our debt to China. That's what they get for poisoning our children's toys with lead. That should make our debt to them noll and void. Copy and paste if you think this makes as much sense as anything else right now.

Joseph Priestley discovered oxygen on this day in the year 1774. I guess he was living under a rock and forced to breath his own methane output. I don't know, what did humans breath before oxygen was discovered?

I get a lot of status updates like this from the History Channel fan page.


I tried to post this from my phone but unfortunately, it didn't post well...

I will never understand the fashion industry. I don't care who made the clothes. I don't understand the concept of getting paid to put clothes on. I am a guy and not wired like that. The only reason I bother to get dressed is to keep from getting arrested.

That's all I'll say about that.

I'm sorry to have just another status update about the heat. But it got up to 104 today in the KC area and tomorrow, they are predicting 106 or 108. Might I recommend a jacket made entirely of ice cubes?

Take from these what you will...